The chuckle channel
26 Apr 2015 0:19:29 UTC
Topic 198065
(moderation:
Somewhere to post something that made you laugh...
Right...here we go...
In the early 1930's, a farmer and his wife went to a fair.
The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost.
'$10 for 3 minutes,' replied the pilot.
'That's too much,' said the farmer.
The pilot thought for a second and then said, 'I'll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you make a sound, you'll have to pay $10.'
The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride.
After they landed, the pilot said to the farmer, 'I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man.'
'Maybe so,' said the farmer, 'But I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when my wife fell out.'
A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers."
He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.
The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.
"What are you going to do," the homeowner asks?
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."
He hands the shotgun to the homeowner. "What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.
"If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog!"
By the time John pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere." he pleaded to the last hotel manager, "Or just a bed--I don't really care where. I'm completely exhausted"
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the manager, "and I'm sure he would be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained all week. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired traveller assured him. "I'll take it."
The next morning John came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. The manager asked him how he survived.
"Never better." John said.
The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"
"Nope. I shut him up in no time."
"How'd you manage that?"
"He was already in bed, snoring away. when I came in the room," John said. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Good night, beautiful' and he sat up all night watching me."
The chuckle channel
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Boom, boom ! Very well done ... I like properly crafted jokes. :-) :-)
[ Yeah, shoot the dog for sure. ]
Cheers, Mike.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter ...
... and my other CPU is a Ryzen 5950X :-) Blaise Pascal
OMG! ROFL!
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OMG! ROFL!
Story : funny and true. Well
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Story : funny and true. Well patronised local golf course. A group while waiting to tee off gets to see the action on the previous green. One player is having a terrible time putting. Basically took six putts and has still not got the ball in the hole. Not happy and perhaps his entire day has been a bad one. He really loses his temper, swears and rages. He starts to wield clubs and just emits streams of invectives. This culminates with throwing the entire club set with buggy into an adjacent pond. He storms straight off in the direction of the car park and is still swearing. His playing partner just shrugs.
Some minutes pass. The man returns. Everyone thinks he has come to his senses. The man wades into the pond and searches around underwater. Finally he finds the golf bag.
He retrieves his car keys and then leaves.
Cheers, Mike.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter ...
... and my other CPU is a Ryzen 5950X :-) Blaise Pascal
Brilliant!! :o)
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Brilliant!! :o)
A road crew supervisor hired
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A road crew supervisor hired a nice-looking blonde woman to assist with painting the white line down the middle of the road. He was sceptical about hiring her but she appeared enthusiastic and told him that she really needed the job. He explained to her that her work day would be to complete 2 miles of line on her road.
He set her up with her equipment and paint and got her started.
After the first day, he was pleased to find that she did an excellent job and was able to paint 4 miles of road in her 8 hour shift. He told her that she did a great job and how pleased he was with her progress.
On the second day, she completed painting 2 miles of road. Her supervisor was surprised that on day one she had completed twice as much work but did not say anything, as 2 miles of road was the amount that the job required anyway. He decided to just accept it and to look forward to the next day when he was sure she would pick up her speed again.
On day 3 he was shocked to learn that in her 8 hour shift, she only completed painting 1 mile of road. He called her into his office and asked her what was the problem.
"On your first day, you completed 4 miles of road, on your second day, 2 miles of road and now, on day 3, you were only able to complete 1 mile of road.
Can I ask you, what is the problem?"
Well, she replied, "I keep getting farther and farther from the paint can."
Several years ago, the Catholic Church required women to wear a head covering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a lady arrived without her head covering. The priest informs her that she cannot enter without it.
A few moments later, the lady reappears, wearing her blouse tied to her head. The shocked priest says, "Madam, I cannot allow you to enter this holy place without your wearing a blouse."
"But Father, I have a divine right," she informs.
"Yes, I see. And your left one isn't bad either, but you still must wear a blouse to enter this church."
A little old man shuffled slowly... into an ice cream parlour.
He pulled himself slowly... painfully... up onto a stool...
After catching his breath... he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "arthritis".
A man walks into his bedroom
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A man walks into his bedroom and trips over his wifes bra that had been left laying on the floor.
It was a booby trap!
... farther from the paint
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... farther from the paint can indeed. Well researched as the rate of change does depend on how much has been already done ie. exponential.
[ Nice touch there for us math nerds. Not as much for the blonde ones though .... aha, but there wouldn't be many of those would there ? :-) :-) ]
Cheers, Mike.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter ...
... and my other CPU is a Ryzen 5950X :-) Blaise Pascal
A salesman was visiting
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A salesman was visiting various farms one day and saw a most peculiar sight...a pig with a wooden leg so he decided to ask why it had a wooden leg. He walked up to the man who was there and asked him why the pig had a wooden leg. The man said...one day my daughter was riding her bike and it got away form her and she was headed straight for the road and a truck was coming, the pig ran right down there and knocked her down before she would have been run over, he saved her life! The salesman says but WHY does the pig have a wooden leg? The man says another time a coyote came into the yard and was chasing all the chickens, the pig ran right over and chased that coyote away, saving my chickens. The salesman was getting kinda angry so asked more forcefully...but WHY does the pig have a wooden leg? The man looked straight at the salesman and said would you eat a pig like that all at once?
An elderly couple, who were
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An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.
'I would like it infrequently' she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered....
'Is that one word or two?'
Old Aunt Cora went to her
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Old Aunt Cora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her troublesome constipation. "It's terrible," she said to the doctor. "I haven't moved my bowels in more than a week."
"I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor.
"Oh, yes," Aunt Cora replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a good half of an hour in the morning and then again at night."
"No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?"
"Of course I do." she answered, "I take a magazine."
A woman was pulled over for speeding by an Oklahoma Highway Patrol motorcycle officer.
When he walked up to her window and opened his ticket book she said: "I'll bet you're going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolman's Ball."
He replied, "No, highway patrolmen don't have balls."
There followed a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd said. He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left.